Orange Juice – Noah Kahan

Embracing Inner Strength: Why Men Should Stop Seeking External Validation During Divorce

Divorce is undeniably one of the most challenging experiences a man can go through. It can be a time of emotional upheaval, financial strain, and significant life changes. For men, navigating this difficult period often comes with its own unique set of challenges. One of the most pervasive issues is the tendency to seek external validation during the divorce process. Of course right? You are a good guy and want others to agree with your decisions and actions. However, relying on external validation can hinder personal growth and healing. It will ultimately leave you weak, resentful and defensive. Here’s why it’s crucial for men to shift their focus inward during this transformative time.

Understanding the Need for External Validation

Seeking external validation is a common human behavior. It involves looking to others for approval, affirmation, and acceptance. During a divorce, when self-esteem may be low and emotions are running high, the desire for external validation can become particularly strong. Men might seek reassurance from friends, family, or even social media to confirm their worth or validate their feelings. This is particularly true when it comes to your actions. Men often look for others to approve of and agree with their decisions. However, this can lead to a dependency on others’ opinions and a neglect of one’s own internal compass.

The Pitfalls of External Validation

1. Inconsistent Feedback: Relying on external sources for validation can be problematic because feedback from others is often inconsistent and subjective. What one person sees as a positive step, another might view differently. This inconsistency can lead to confusion and self-doubt.

2. Delayed Healing: Focusing on external validation can delay the healing process. Instead of processing emotions and experiences internally, men might become preoccupied with how others perceive them, preventing them from addressing the root causes of their distress.

3. Loss of Authenticity: Constantly seeking approval from others can lead men to act in ways that are not true to themselves. This can result in a loss of authenticity and a disconnect from one’s true identity and values.

4. Increased Stress: The pressure to meet others’ expectations can add an unnecessary layer of stress during an already difficult time. This stress can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and depression, making it harder to cope with the divorce.

The Remedy??

Turning Inward: The Path to Self-Validation

1. Self-Reflection: Spend time reflecting on your own feelings, values, and goals. Journaling, meditation, or simply setting aside quiet time each day can help you reconnect with your inner self.

2. Set Personal Goals: Focus on setting and achieving personal goals that are meaningful to you. This could be related to your career, hobbies, or personal development. Achieving these goals can provide a sense of accomplishment and boost self-esteem.

3. Seek Professional Support: Consider speaking with a coach, therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support. They can help you process your emotions and develop strategies for self-validation.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself during this time. Recognize that it’s okay to feel vulnerable and that making mistakes is part of the healing process. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.

5. Build a Supportive Community: Surround yourself with people who respect your journey and encourage your growth. A supportive community can provide genuine connection without the need for constant validation.

Embracing the Journey

Divorce is undeniably tough, but it also offers an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. By shifting the focus from external validation to internal strength, you can navigate this challenging time with resilience and authenticity. Embracing self-validation not only aids in healing but also lays the foundation for a more fulfilling and self-assured future. Remember, the most important validation comes from within, and it’s this inner strength that will guide you through the storm and into a brighter tomorrow.